Skills for Following Jesus

Skills and tools for following Jesus and discipling others.

Love for each other

To Mask or Not to Mask

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Brothers and Sisters in Christ, these past months overshadowed by COVID have been difficult for all of us. But the stresses surrounding this pandemic have been particularly tough on pastors. Their calling is to feed and shepherd those in their care and most pastors do this selflessly.

But an issue arose during this ordeal that mirrors an issue that the apostle Paul dealt with in his letters to the church in Rome and in Corinth. The issue back then was meat offered to idols and whether as Christians they could in good conscience partake of such meat.

The churches were divided over this issue. Some felt that since there’s no such thing as a god other than God Almighty, they had the liberty to eat meat whether it had been offered to idols or not. Other followers of Jesus were incensed by this practice, having themselves come out of idol worship and refused to eat such meat.

As Paul lays out these arguments, he shows that ultimately, it’s not about the issue and who is right. Instead, it’s about loving each other and accepting each other graciously regardless of one’s position on eating meat that had been dedicated to an idol.

Today, pastors across our nation are dealing with a similar rift in their churches. But this caustic division is not about eating meat offered to idols. This division is about the wearing of masks. In anger—even hostility—church goers have told their pastors, “If you don’t require the wearing of masks in services, then we will leave the church!” And conversely others have demanded angrily, “If you do require the wearing of masks in services, then we will leave the church!”

While I have my own opinion about the wearing of masks, that is not the issue here. The chief issue is a total lack of love, forbearance, and acceptance of each other and we should be ashamed of ourselves!

Please indulge me as I’ve taken the liberty to paraphrase Romans 14 replacing the meat issue with the mask issue.

Accept the one whose faith is weak, without quarreling over disputable matters. One person’s faith allows them to refrain from wearing a mask, but another insists on wearing a mask. The one who does not wear a mask must not treat with contempt the one who does, and the one who does insist on wearing a mask must not judge the one who does not, for God has accepted them. Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

One person considers mask wearing ineffective and even harmful; another considers mask wearing effective and even a gesture of love. Each of them should be fully convinced in their own mind. Whoever regards mask wearing unnecessary does so to the Lord. Whoever insists on mask wearing does so to the Lord, for they give thanks to God; and whoever abstains does so to the Lord and gives thanks to God.

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living.

You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. It is written: “‘As surely as I live,’ says the Lord, ‘every knee will bow before me; every tongue will acknowledge God.’” So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister. I am convinced, being fully persuaded in the Lord Jesus, that I have the freedom not to wear a mask. But if anyone regards wearing a mask as their civic duty, then for that person it is their duty.

If your brother or sister is distressed because you don’t wear a mask, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your liberty destroy someone for whom Christ died. Therefore do not let what you know is good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of wearing or not wearing a mask, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and receives human approval.

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification. Do not destroy the work of God for the sake of mask wearing. We all enjoy freedom in Christ, but it is wrong for a person to do anything that causes someone else to stumble. It is better not to do anything that will cause your brother or sister to fall.

So whatever you believe about these things keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who does not condemn himself by what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned, because their actions are not from faith; and everything that does not come from faith is sin. – Romans 14:1-23

Even after reading that, some may argue, “But I’m right about the mask issue!” Countering this Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 8:1 and 8 (paraphrased), “Now about mask wearing. We know that ‘We all possess knowledge.’ But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. Wearing or not wearing a mask does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we don’t wear a mask, and no better if we do.”

Now more than ever we must seek to live and worship the Lord in harmony and unity and represent Christ well to the world through our words and actions.

A Chilling Rebuke…

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This week, I just reread Paul’s letter to the church at Ephesus. Paul and his team had spent three years there making disciples and establishing this church in a very pagan culture. For Ephesus was the center of worship for the fertility goddess Artemis, and a stronghold for sorcery.

What caught my attention this time reading Ephesians was the vast number of times Paul referred to love. Paul spoke of love 17 times in this letter in the following ways:

  • God’s love for us
  • Jesus’ love for us
  • God’s love for His Son, Jesus Christ
  • Our love for God and Jesus
  • Our love for each other
  • Christ’s love for the church
  • We are to walk in the way of love
  • A husband’s love for his wife

Paul records two prayers for the Ephesian believers (1:15-23 and 3:14-21) and both times prays for their love. Paul ends his letter with these words, “Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.” (Ephesians 6:24) Clearly, love for the Lord and for others plays a central role in our lives as followers of Jesus and Paul wanted to get this message across to the Ephesians.

But just 30 years later the Lord Jesus dictated this chilling rebuke to the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2:4, “Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first.” Another translation says it like this, “But I have this complaint against you. You don’t love Me or each other as you did at first!” (NLT)

In Jesus’ letter to the church at Ephesus in Revelation 2, He commended them for their deeds, their hard work, their perseverance, their stance against wickedness, their ability to discern false teachers, and their hatred for the practices of the Nicolaitans (a false cult). They were doing all those things right, BUT they had forsaken theirlove for Jesus and love for each other.

This reminds me of what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13 about the preeminence of love:

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

The other deeds that Jesus drew attention to in His letter to the church at Ephesus are not unimportant, but without love they’re empty. Jesus urges them: “Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place.” (Revelation 2:5)

History reveals that the church at Ephesus continued for some time, but it eventually died and its “lampstand”—its witness, influence and presence was removed, and it no longer exists today. How sad!

I find Jesus’ rebuke so chilling because in just 30 short years, after none other than the Apostle Paul himself helped plant this church, it had already forsaken its first love, despite having everything else in order.

This is sobering and compels us to think about our own condition both personally and as a church. To what extent have we forsaken our love for Him and others?

In a culture in which we’re used to being able to measure everything, love seems to defy quantifying. Love is a matter of the heart and defines our motivations. That’s why it’s possible to do the right things in the wrong way or for the wrong reasons. We can become enamored with our service instead of with Christ.

Love may defy quantifying, but it doesn’t defy detection. We can gauge our heart’s yearnings and our motivations. In marriage (and other close relationships), we can easily discern the difference between passionate love for our spouse and feelings grown cold.

One of the telltale indicators of genuine, heartfelt love for Christ and others is that genuine love is all about Him. Genuine love is all about the other person. A passion that focuses on ourselves and what we can gain from a relationship isn’t love at all.

We must constantly renew and refresh our love for Christ and for others by focusing on Him, delighting in Him, and valuing Him above all else.

The Psalmist wrote, “Whom have I in heaven but You? And earth has nothing I desire besides You.” (Psalm 73:25)

Isaiah said, “I delight greatly in the Lord; my soul rejoices in my God.” (Isaiah 61:10)

Paul declared, “I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.” (Philippians 3:8)

And finally, “Grace to all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with an undying love.” (Ephesians 6:24)

How We Learn to Love Others – Part Two

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This is the continuation of last week’s blog post in which we saw that the traits of love are relational. We also noted that meeting those characteristics of godly love requires at least two factors: an inner transformation that only God’s Spirit can bring about in us; and spending time with others in situations where love is required.

We learn character and relational skills (like love) by observing others as they model these skills and coach us in developing them. We read John 13:1-17, in which Jesus showed us how to love like this through His example of washing His disciples’ feet. This act of love was particularly notable because it occurred just hours before Judas betrayed Jesus.

Last week, we began analyzing Jesus’ example of how to love each other and I introduced the first three of six characteristics of Jesus’ example for loving others. Here are those first three again:

  1. Love others especially when you’re prone to focus on self.
  2. Being confident of who we are in the Lord frees us to love and serve others humbly.
  3. Love often finds its greatest expression in small, simple acts.

So, let’s consider the final three characteristics of Jesus’ example on how we are to love each other.

4. Love is never wasted on those who refuse it or fail to appreciate it.

The text is clear that when Jesus washed the feet of His disciples Judas ultimately refused His love and Peter failed to appreciate it at first. But that didn’t stop Jesus from serving them. The fact that His love was rejected reinforces that Jesus demonstrated to them “the full extent of His love.”

It’s amazing to me that Jesus washed Judas’ feet knowing that he would betray Him that very night. Jesus extended His love with no strings attached. With shame I can think of times when I have withheld my love and service from others because I felt unappreciated. Jesus’ love transcends rejection and that’s how He wants us to love. Jesus said, “I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.” (John 13:15) He wants us to love others without thought for how they will respond to our love.

Judas refused Jesus’ love—completely. Had he embraced Jesus’ love, even after betraying Him, there would have been as much hope for him as there was for the other disciples who denied Jesus and abandoned Him. But Jesus walked away from supper that night knowing that He had genuinely extended His love to Judas just like everyone else. He had loved all His disciples to the fullest extent and to the very end. Not one of them was disadvantaged.

We have a difficult time believing that love is never wasted on those who refuse it or fail to appreciate it. When our attempts at love are rejected, refused, or simply unnoticed by others, we find it easy to become angry or cynical. We need God’s grace in such situations. We must follow Christ’s example and trust Him with the results. We must be faithful to Christ in our love for others.

5. Love others by allowing them to serve you.

A fifth lesson from Jesus’ example in John 13 is to love others by allowing them to serve you. Many who delight in serving others struggle profoundly with allowing others to serve them. Giving Peter the benefit of the doubt, he may have thought he was responding to Jesus in humility by rejecting His offer to wash his feet. Peter initially refused Jesus’ act of love. Jesus responded to him, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” In other words, Jesus urged Peter, “Let Me serve you now and shortly you’ll understand why.”

Yet Peter refused even more strongly saying, “No, You shall never wash my feet.” To which Jesus replied, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with Me.” (John 13:7-8) Only then did Peter relent and let Jesus wash his feet.

When Jesus finished washing His disciples’ feet, He explained to them that He, their Lord and Teacher, had performed this humble act of love as an example for them. Now they should do the same for each other. Jesus’ example obviously requires that we allow others to serve us as well, otherwise we could not do the same for each other.

Our unwillingness to receive love and be served by others (and God) is deeply ingrained in many of us and stems from pride. Some time ago, about a dozen of us in our church family stepped up to meet a significant financial medical need for one of our families. But the family said they didn’t want a “hand-out.” I urged this family to reconsider and challenged them to exercise love in receiving this gift.

We had not known that their inability to accept love and service from others had stolen their joy for many years. God began working in their hearts and revealed to them the veiled pride that their attitude projected. In the end, they humbly accepted the loving gifts of their brothers and sisters in Christ. Their loving act of receiving others’ love changed them profoundly and demonstrated for them the love of God in ways they’d never known. When we refuse to allow others to serve or love us, we deny them a great privilege and much joy. Jesus teaches us to love others by allowing them to serve us.

6. We learn to love others in the context of community.

The sixth lesson we glean from Jesus’ example is that we learn to love others in the context of community. Jesus specifically chose this opportunity to demonstrate love with all His disciples present. He wanted all of them (even Peter and Judas) to experience His loving act and His example of how to love. In this context of community Jesus said, “I have set you [plural] an example that you [plural] should do as I have done for you [plural].”

Jesus was leaving His disciples (and us) very clear instructions on how to coach and model love for others—the same way He had done for them. We learn to love others in the context of community. You and I cannot learn to love each other apart from spending time with each other and placing ourselves in situations where love is required.

We learn to love others in the context of community. Love is contagious! When we experience others’ love for us or watch a brother or sister in Christ extend love for someone else, they model love for us. And love begets love.

In 1 John 4:11-12, John writes something profound. “Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other. No one has ever seen God. But if we love each other, God lives in us, and His love is brought to full expression in us.” (NLT, emphasis added) When we genuinely love others, “God’s love is brought to full expression in us!” This is amazing! What a privilege! God wants others to see Him in us. It’s part of His divine plan to demonstrate the full expression of His love through us. Wow!

How We Learn to Love Others

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In my last blog post, we looked at the relational characteristics of love listed in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy, boast, nor proud. Love does not dishonor others, is not self-seeking or easily angered and does not keep record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. Love never fails.”

These relational traits of love don’t take root in our lives by merely knowing about them. And simply trying harder doesn’t work either. Also, these relational traits of love are not just learned behaviors, but must spring from the heart.

Loving each other like this requires at least two factors: an inner transformation that only God’s Spirit can bring about in us; and spending time with others in situations where love is required. (And of course, love is required in all relationships and situations.)

How do we learn to love like this? We learn character and relational skills (like love) by observing others as they model these skills and coach us in developing them. Jesus demonstrated this approach for learning how to love others in the passage below from John 13:1-17:  

It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power, and that He had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off His outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around His waist. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around Him.

He came to Simon Peter, who said to Him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?” Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”  “No,” said Peter, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with Me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!” Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” For he knew who was going to betray Him, and that was why He said not every one was clean.

When He had finished washing their feet, He put on His clothes and returned to His place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” He asked them. “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

John introduced this account of Jesus washing His disciples’ feet in John 13:1, “It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for Him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.” The Amplified Bible further explains the nuances of the original meaning, “He loved them to the last and to the highest degree.” And another rendering reads, “Having loved His own, He now showed them the full extent of His love.”[i]

But how did Jesus washing His disciples’ feet demonstrate “the full extent of his love”? John is not referring to Jesus’ crucifixion here, but to His loving act of humble service toward His followers by washing their feet.

If Jesus washing His disciples’ feet demonstrates “the full extent of his love,” and He tells us that He did this to set an example for us to follow (verse 15), then we need to pay very close attention to what He was doing here! But first, let me say that Jesus’ example here is not ultimately about foot-washing. If we land there, we’ve missed the point.

Let’s analyze this example that Jesus gave us on how to love each other by looking at what Jesus did. Consider the following six elements of Jesus’ example for loving others.

Six Elements of Jesus’ Example for Loving Others

1. Love others especially when we’re prone to focus on self.

The evening in which Jesus demonstrated this act of love is the same evening that Judas betrayed Him, and the rest of His disciples abandoned Him. In only a few hours from this act of love He would be hanging on a cross in agony, bearing the sins of the world. He knew that. John makes it clear in verses 1-3 and 11 that Jesus knew this.

I don’t know about you, but I have to psych myself up just to go to the dentist! Can you imagine the horrors that would plague one’s mind who knew he was about to endure torture and die a gruesome death? Jesus was fully aware of all that. Yet at the very time in which He would’ve been tempted to be preoccupied with self, He directed His attention toward His disciples. This point goes a long way to explaining why His humble act of service demonstrated “the full extent of His love.”

We must follow Jesus’ example and love others, especially when we’re prone to focus on self!

2. Being confident of who we are in the Lord frees us to love and serve others humbly.

This point, like the first one, is also counter intuitive. John 13:3-5 says:

Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under His power, and that He had come from God and was returning to God; so He got up from the meal, took off His outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around His waist. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash His disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around Him.

Did you catch that? Jesus, knowing that He possessed all authority and power in the universe, humbled Himself to wash His disciples’ feet. He performed this act of love because of, not in spite of, who He is.

Who are we in Christ? How does God view us? We are His children—but not by birth or by right. We are His children because He chose us, redeemed us, and adopted us. He has given us full standing as His kids, so now we can demonstrate His love to others in the same way He has for us. “Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us a s a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” (Ephesians 5:1-2)

Like Jesus, being confident of who we are in the Lord frees us to love and serve others humbly.

3. Love often finds its greatest expression in small, simple acts.

When this event took place, foot-washing was a common act of courtesy performed by the servant of one’s host. Walking was the primary mode of transportation and the roads were dusty. Very simply, one’s feet got hot and dirty. Therefore, a gracious host would offer foot-washing to refresh his or her guests.

With foot washing so common and menial, why would Jesus choose it as a means to show His disciples “the full extent of his love”? Precisely because it is a small, simple act.

Love often finds its greatest expression in small, simple acts. Washing the dishes for one’s spouse; generously tipping a server; offering a kind word to someone who is having a tough day; overlooking an intended slight and returning kindness instead. These small, simple acts of love truly demonstrate the full extent of our love for others. Such thoughtfulness and attention to other’s needs is extraordinary. Such is the love Jesus modeled for us. Love often finds its greatest expression in small, simple acts.

Next week, I’ll offer the additional three elements of this great expression of love by Jesus. Meanwhile, let’s look for ways to express love to others in the same way Jesus did.

[i] New International Version, 1984.

Love Each Other Extravagantly!

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There’s something wonderful, righteous, beautiful and winsome when followers of Jesus genuinely love each other and freely extend their love to others. We know, of course, that all people are broken and because of that relationships are messy. However, people need to be loved. We long to be loved and we desperately need to express love for others. In fact, Jesus said, “By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you love one another.” (John 14:35)

Consider the ancient church in the city of Corinth (in present day Greece). This was a dysfunctional church family. The church at Corinth was a bickering church. It was fraught with jealousies, quarrels, and divisions (1 Corinthians 1:11; 3:1-4; 11:18). It was proud and boastful (1 Corinthians 5:2 & 6). The members’ disputes with each other were so venomous that they even took each other to court (1 Corinthians 6:1-6)!

The people in this church valued knowledge over character. They wielded their knowledge in a way that heartlessly wounded weaker brothers and sisters in Christ in order to build themselves up (1 Corinthians 8:1-13). Paul denounced their church services and programs as doing more harm than good. In their assemblies they argued, humiliated each other, and even degraded the Lord’s Supper with drunkenness and gluttony (1 Corinthians 11:17-22).

Finally, the church in Corinth even perverted their use of spiritual gifts using them to draw attention to themselves, belittle other’s gifts and behave in a disorderly way (1 Corinthians 14:1-40). Truly this church was in a sorry condition in terms of its church family relationships!

But in the middle of his letter, Paul introduced love as “the most excellent way” to cultivate and build up the family of Christ and to conduct one’s life as a follower of Jesus. And to avoid any misconception about what love is, the Lord provides us with specific relational characteristics of love. These traits of love are healthy relational skills and attitudes for functioning well as a family, church, small group, and as a good neighbor and witness to others. Here they are from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:

  • Love is patient
  • Love is kind
  • Love does not envy
  • Love does not boast
  • Love is not proud
  • Love is not rude
  • Love is not self-seeking
  • Love is not easily angered
  • Love keeps no record of wrongs (in other words, love forgives)
  • Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth
  • Love always protects
  • Love always trusts
  • Love always hopes
  • Love always perseveres
  • Love never fails

Let’s be honest, we find these characteristics of love endearing, quaint, beautiful and poetic. But to put them into action as practical skills for building and maintaining relationships with others is another matter entirely!

Take the first relational skill, “love is patient.” We don’t like to think about this, but the reason love must be patient is because others behave obnoxiously or annoyingly toward us sometimes. Perhaps they’re chronically late, or they talk too much, or… (fill in the blank.) Love requires that we practice patience with them. But don’t we also annoy others with our own particular antics?  

Let’s look at another trait, “love is not easily angered.” We need this relational skill specifically because we will encounter situations with others who behave rudely or in a self-centered way. We get angry when we feel that our rights are being violated, but we need to restrain ourselves. (I’m preaching to myself here!)

And the reason love should “keep no record of wrongs” is precisely because others will wrong us and sometimes they’ll do so cruelly, frequently and purposefully! Paul put it like this in Colossians 3:13, “Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” These words practically guarantee that in our relationships we will be wronged. We will have conflict. There will be offenses!

The Bible tells us about a Pharisee who came to Jesus and tested him with the question, “Which is the greatest commandment in the Law?” Without hesitation Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and Prophets hang on these two commandments.” (Matthew 22:36-40)

When Jesus paired these two commandments, He clearly tells us how to relate with God and others. Jesus demonstrates that these two commandments are inseparable. If we want to please God, we must love Him and love others. We simply don’t have the option to love God and not love others, or vice-versa.

Christ’s redemptive, reconciling work on the cross was both vertical (toward God) and horizontal (toward others). Christ died for us, both to reconcile us with the Father and with each other. In the culture of the Bible, no greater relational rift existed among people than between the Jews and Gentiles (non-Jews). And yet Christ put to death on the cross all the hostility harbored between these two groups making them one (Ephesians 2:11-22).

“Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” (1 John 4:11)

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